Starting uni? Here's what nobody tells you (and how to actually thrive)
A psychotherapist's honest guide to navigating your first year
Let's be real for a moment. Everyone's telling you that university will be "the best years of your life" whilst simultaneously warning you about all the things that could go wrong. No pressure, right?
As a psychotherapist who works with students, I'm here to share what actually helps during this massive life transition - not the generic advice you'll find in university welcome packs, but the real stuff that makes a difference.
The truth about the first few weeks
Here's something nobody mentions: Week 3 is often harder than Week 1. The initial excitement wears off, homesickness kicks in, and you might find yourself crying into your pot noodle wondering if you've made a terrible mistake.
This is completely normal. It's called the "honeymoon-to-reality" shift, and almost everyone experiences it. Your brain is literally rewiring itself to adapt to a multitude of major life changes at once. Give yourself credit - you're doing something incredibly brave.
The social media lie
Everyone else seems to be living their best life, making lifelong friends in the first five minutes, and somehow already knowing where all the good parties are. Meanwhile, you're eating cereal for dinner and having awkward small talk with your flatmates about the weather.
Here's the secret: everyone's Instagram is a highlight reel. That girl who seems to have fifty best friends? She probably ate breakfast alone this morning. That guy who's at every social? He might be desperately trying to avoid feeling homesick. We're all just trying to figure it out.
Your strengths are your superpowers
Before you leave for uni, you've already navigated some tough stuff. Think about it:
Remember starting secondary school? You survived that.
That time you fell out with your friend group? You got through it.
The pandemic years? You adapted.
Whatever got you through those challenges - your sense of humour, your stubbornness, your ability to find one good person in a crowd - those same strengths are with you now. You don't need to become someone new, you need to remember who you already are.
The loneliness paradox
You can feel desperately lonely whilst surrounded by people. In fact, freshers' week might be the loneliest you've ever felt, despite never actually being alone. This isn't because something's wrong with you - it's because real connection takes time.
Think of friendship like a plant. You can't force it to grow faster by watering it constantly (that's actually called drowning). It needs time, the right conditions, and patience. Those 3am deep conversations will come, but probably not until November.
Practical stuff that actually helps
The 3-2-1 rule
When everything feels overwhelming:
Name 3 things you can see
Name 2 things you can hear
Name 1 thing you're grateful for (even if it's just your bed)
The "good enough" principle
You don't need to:
Be best friends with your flatmates
Love your course immediately
Have your life figured out
Maintain a perfect room
Say yes to everything
You just need to be good enough. And good enough is actually pretty good.
The weekly check-in
Every Sunday, ask yourself:
What was hard this week?
What was better than expected?
What do I need more of?
What do I need less of?
Adjust accordingly. This isn't giving up; it's being smart.
When to worry (and when not to)
Normal stuff:
Crying in the first month (or three)
Feeling like you don't belong initially
Missing home desperately whilst also loving independence
Eating weird meal combinations
Having days where you speak to nobody
Questioning your course choice
Feeling overwhelmed by choices
When to seek support:
You haven't left your room in days
You're using alcohol / drugs to cope
You're having thoughts of self-harm
You can't eat or sleep for more than a few days
You're experiencing panic attacks regularly
The sadness feels different from homesickness - deeper, darker
Your university survival kit
Find your people (they're not who you expect)
Your people might not be in your flat or on your course. They might be in the queue at the launderette, at the counselling service support group, or in that weird society you joined as a joke. Stay open.
Create home in small ways
Bring that tatty cushion that smells like home
Keep your weird bedtime routine
Video call your dog
Cook that one meal you know how to make
Play your comfort show on repeat
Build your support network early
Before you need them, find:
Your GP surgery
University wellbeing / counselling service
The nice librarian
That one lecturer who seems approachable
The mental health first aiders in your halls
Protect your energy
You don't have unlimited social battery. It's okay to:
Skip the third social event of the day
Eat alone sometimes
Say "I need a quiet night"
Leave parties early
Have a weekend at home
The hidden curriculum nobody mentions
University isn't just about degrees. You're also learning:
How to be lonely and be okay
How to make friends as an adult
How to manage freedom
How to fail and try again
How to ask for help
How to cook
How to figure out who you are when nobody's watching
These lessons are just as valuable as your actual modules, possibly more so.
A letter from your future self
Dear Fresher You,
In a year's time, you'll look back and be amazed at how far you've come. That first terrifying day? You'll laugh about it with friends you haven't even met yet. That module you're struggling with? You'll either love it by December or you'll switch courses and that's fine too.
You'll make mistakes - spectacular ones. You'll have nights where you question everything. You'll also have moments of pure joy that make it all worthwhile.
Trust yourself. You're more capable than you know.
The bottom line
Starting university is like jumping into a cold pool. The anticipation is awful, the initial shock takes your breath away, but then - gradually - you adjust. The water doesn't get warmer, you get stronger.
You don't need to have it all figured out. You don't need to love every minute. You just need to keep showing up, stay curious about who you're becoming, and remember that everyone else is winging it too.
And if you're reading this at 2am, feeling overwhelmed and alone - first of all, go to bed. Second, know that thousands of other freshers are awake feeling exactly the same way. You're not alone in feeling alone. That's the beautiful paradox of this whole messy, transformative experience.
You've got this. Not because it's easy, but because you're already braver than you realise.
Remember: Every university has free counselling services. If you're struggling, please reach out. Asking for help isn't giving up - it's growing up.
Crisis support:
Text SHOUT to 85258 for 24/7 crisis text support
Call Samaritans on 116 123 any time
Student Minds for peer support and resources