Couch to 5K: Rediscovering Running and Learning to Be Kind to Myself
I recently completed the "Couch to 5k" running programme. For background, I used to be a big runner, and I used to do 10kms, half marathons and marathons. I absolutely loved it. I found that by about 15 minutes into a run I had found my stride and felt as if I could just keep going and going. It was the best stress buster and energiser for me - a rhythm that cleared my mind and gave me space. However, I got out of the habit, mainly because of other important things taking over (working, studying, having 3 children and the juggling that goes with that, illness and injury).
But, here I am now, I had finally been encouraged to get back to running and I liked the idea of having a graduated schedule to follow. I was horrified when I first started and found even the starter runs (alternating running and walking for 1 minute blocks) were making my legs and lungs scream. I did manage to stick to it, partly I think because at the age of 51, I was a bit worried that if I didn't do it now I never would. Getting into a routine for it was great for me, and I managed to carve out the time 3 times a week (even though 2 of those involved 5:45am starts). I have always found I run better in the mornings, and I know myself well enough now to admit that running after a full day just won't happen, so that's how I've been able to tolerate the early starts.
It made me ridiculously happy to complete the 9 week programme without missing a single run, and I've kept going doing the "Beyond Couch to 5k" runs.
Then I noticed that a little niggle had set in. Am I pushing myself enough by simply repeating the same runs over and over? Should I be increasing my distances or pushing myself more? I saw that my local National Trust property runs a monthly 10km run and immediately thought I should aim to do this. I mentioned to some friends that I had done the Couch to 5k and their immediate questions were what would I do next, what distance am I aiming for, and the like. And that all made me pause and get some perspective. Does there have to be a big challenge or target to meet? Perhaps it is okay to have small targets, or even to simply maintain what I have achieved so far? Where does the constant need to self-validate or achieve more come from? So, on this morning's run I invented my own challenge rather than following the runs on the programme, and I went a little bit further and a (probably unmeasurable) little bit faster than usual and it felt great. I took the time on this run to reflect on the sense of needing to achieve more. I don't have anything to prove. My running will be slower than in my youth (that's not changeable). I just need to know I am doing my best and exercising within sensible parameters, and most of all it should be enjoyable. The truth is, I don't have anything to prove. I'm not chasing medals or PBs. I'm running because it feels good to move, to breathe deeply, to start the day with intention. Because it's mine.
It struck me that this is quite amusing, as it is something I regularly have conversations with clients about – stepping off the treadmill, focusing on their own needs, not worrying about others, and taking things slowly, rather than chasing external validation. I remind them that healing, growth, and self-worth don't come from ticking off ever-larger accomplishments, but from showing up - imperfectly, authentically, and with self-compassion.
So maybe it's time I listened to my own advice and perhaps I should offer myself a little more of the compassion I offer my clients!
This phase of my running isn't about performance, instead it's about presence. It's about small, consistent choices that support my well-being, not big goals that weigh me down. Maybe just putting my trainers on and heading out the door is enough, without needing to do more, run further, or prove anything.
Maybe that's the real marathon - the slow, steady practice of being kinder to ourselves.
And I've noticed that there are positive unintended consequences too. Although they mock me for my lack of speed, I think it has been good for my family to see me stick with the programme. There's value in modelling that quiet persistence, in not chasing perfection. The dogs love keeping me company (and run considerately further and faster than me!). And, finally, I used to start my day with a coffee or two, but I don't seem to need that in the same way anymore. I think the endorphin / dopamine / serotonin boost from the exercise replaces the caffeine requirement, so it's a win win - less caffeine and more natural energy.